Getting Real

Sometimes I just FEEL too much to write anything at all. Like, maybe a list of feelings would work better than paragraph-form therapeutic writing it all out. But here I am, and I need to write it all and get it out.

Life really hands us ups and downs, doesn't it? There are so many joys here, but so many tricky little obstacles and big obstacles to maneuver as we head down this path called life.

I started writing a bit on Monday and Tuesday when I got news of the tornado tragedies, but it seemed I couldn't write or FEEL any more than I already have when I wrote about the other tragedies this year (here and here). It's not because my heart wasn't equally broken or because I hadn't any empathy left; rather, it was because my heart was too full to truly articulate anything at all. Those dear, sweet people of Oklahoma. I can only pray for them as they look for hope in the tragedy. 

The thing is: I've felt tragedy before. Different in most ways, but the same in some. My brother died when he was 16, I was 14 and it was after three years of battling cancer. It felt so big. It felt like the whole world crumbled with it. Then the weeks kept going and people weren't talking about it anymore. A year, two years, more... it still felt so big to me. It still feels so big... it's a loss that cannot be recovered. He was my best friend and confidant. And then he was gone. But life kept moving. It keeps moving.  

When tragedy comes to people like it has in bulk this year, I just FEEL so much for those families. The emotions they have to tread through and the loneliness of feeling that everyone has moved past it all except you. 

Here's the thing: writing 16 years after my brother died, I can tell you. You are not alone in the heartbreak of tragedy like you may believe you are. People will move on from talking about it, donating toward it, creating news stories around it, but you can be assured that you are together in thinking about it. And together in feeling it whenever any similar story comes into your path. And tearing up because someone has just freshly experienced loss that rocks their whole world and now they will have to experience the heartbreak as well. 

I'm so grateful for HOPE in painful times. It's knowing heaven is real and really having faith that kept me going, and here I am now: at a place in life where I know joy, yet comprehend the pain of tragedy. 

For some reason, I clicked on this video this week- I don't usually, and it contributed to rocking my world of emotions. Similar ages, same type of cancer, different family, and the same- but different- pain... 

More "normal" post coming your way soon, but it seemed I needed to get this out before I wrote any more about the "ups" of the week. And there were plenty of great "ups" this week, believe me. ;)

xo, 

Kate